Maybe your go-to positions have started feeling stale. (Missionary, again, really?) Maybe you had a baby and after being a mom all day, binge-watching Designated Survivor sounds far more appealing than the effort that goes into sex. Or perhaps your partner would rather stick to the basics while you want to experiment with sex toys. Does this mean that for the rest of your lives together, you will have horrible sex? Not.
Couples may feel guilty when they encounter problems in their sexual lives, such as boredom or being too exhausted to engage in any sexual activity at all, but it’s crucial to keep in mind.
Author of Maybe It’s You and couples therapist Lauren Zander claims that these kinds of problems arise in all marriages eventually. Fortunately, you can find solutions if you are prepared to be open, and honest, and take care of your sex life.
These are the most typical problems that couples run into in the bedroom, along with advice on how to get past them. (Looking for more relationship and health advice? Subscribe to receive relationship advice, sex advice, and recipes for weight loss sent directly to your email.)
Our sexual lives fell apart after having a baby.
When you become a parent for the first time or the fourth, one of the first things to go is sex.
It takes a lot of time and energy to devote yourself to someone fresh in your life; you don’t have much time for prior habits.
make you both feel sexy, like going to the gym or getting dressed up for a date night, according to relationship expert Pepper Schwartz, PhD, a sociology professor at the University of Washington on Lifetime’s Married at First Sight.
Women may experience bodily harm from vaginal births or C-sections, as well as disorders like postpartum depression, which can put out the flame even further. Every couple is different, but it’s common for many to wait until after the birth of their child before considering having sex again. Hire a sitter, even if it’s just for a few hours, to give your love life a little boost.
Having time to yourselves as new parents is crucial and helps you to concentrate on each other, whether you choose to sneak off to a hotel room or reconnect over dinner for the afternoon,
I want to try sex toys, but my partner isn’t interested.
Although toys can be entertaining, some individuals may feel that their sex abilities are lacking when they bring something material into the bedroom, according to Fran Walfish, PsyD, a family therapist. and relationship psychotherapist. She advises you to be very explicit about your satisfaction with your relationship and to gently express to them what you would like to try. By doing something your spouse would also love, you might offer to return the favor.
Another thing to think about is that some people might initially object to the idea of utilizing toys but develop an interest in them later. Therefore, if your partner declines your request the first time, don’t give up.
A person’s hesitation to attempt new things may lessen as the couple develops their sexual language more smoothly and as a sense of safety and trust is established, according to Wendi Dumbroff.
LPC is a family and couples therapist located in New Jersey. However, there may be things that are a ‘hard no,’ so partners need to discuss how important it is to each person to try new things and see if a compromise can be reached. If you’re tired of missionaries, don’t forget to try these ten positions. The best thing is that you can wear them without being an athlete!
We have sex regularly, but I don’t feel emotionally connected.
Although having sex is an essential component of a happy relationship, engaging in sexual activity only for the sake of it might weaken the emotional bond that results from such a private and intimate act. says Wired for Love author and California-based couples therapist Stan Tatkin, PsyD. Fortunately, practicing mindfulness is a simple and affordable method of fostering your emotional connection. (If you find mindfulness irritating or challenging, you’re not alone. Prevention Premium demonstrates how to include it into your daily routine.)
Using your partner’s first name instead of a nickname might also increase intimacy.
Our first name is intrinsically linked to intimacy since it is ingrained in our brains.
According to Tatkin, indulging in this emotion in bed helps strengthen a couple’s bond. (These 10 small gestures that happy couples do can help you feel closer to your mate.)
Tatkin recommends that during sex, partners aim to look each other in the eyes. Yes, that seems very straightforward, but you’d be shocked at how many couples overlook this, he says.
Often, when we’re too preoccupied with our thoughts or anxieties to fully appreciate the moment, our sexual encounters feel empty. According to him, maintaining eye contact can help us be more present.
We’re too tired to have sex.
Sometimes, such as following a job loss or a cross-country move, you could be too emotionally or physically exhausted to engage in sexual activity.
However, according to Zander, most people use fatigue as a mask for sloth. You can squeeze 30 minutes of sexual activity into your schedule if you can find time to watch Netflix or browse Instagram. To break the ice, Zander suggests that couples talk about how often they would like to have sex. She has them pledge to follow their schedule, no matter how often they choose to meet—whether it’s once a day or twice a week—without any room for negotiation. I then have my clients create consequences if they don’t fulfill their promise—anything serious or life-threatening, but something that they would miss if it were gone, like skipping that a week without watching TV or a glass of wine with dinner. You’d be surprised how quickly people find the time and energy to have intercourse when you threaten to take away their indulgences, she says. Do you think it would be difficult to fit in twice a week of sex? This is how a woman managed to squeeze in two hours of sex per day!
Our libidos are like night and day.
If you’re more of a once-a-week type and your spouse is constantly wanting to have sex, it could seem hopeless. But according to Dumbroff, it is feasible to make it work. You don’t need to start closeness with a desire to be intimate. In long-term relationships, spontaneous desire—that unexpected, “I need to tear off your clothes” feeling—often wanes and can be challenging to synchronize when two people have disparate libidos.
Even when you’re not feeling romantic, you’ll probably want to have sex if you’re open to following your partner’s lead in the bedroom and seeing where it goes. According to Dumbroff, once you get going, it usually starts to feel good and you get motivated to keep going.
My partner hates oral sex.
If you enjoy giving and receiving oral sex, but your partner doesn’t share your enthusiasm, it can be a tough road to navigate. According to Walfish, you can help your spouse have more comfortable oral sex by using items that will increase your pleasure. For instance, if feeling self-conscious about body odor is something that’s holding your partner back, suggest taking a shower together first. You can also put whipped cream or chocolate sauce on your partner’s penis or the outside of your vagina. (Placing food inside the vagina may cause infection.) Your partner may feel more comfortable with oral sex with other flavors in the mix. (Try these 5 techniques that will consistently hit your G-spot for more ideas on how to have hotter sex.)
