It’s simple to imagine relationship therapists are immune to most of the drama that can occur in a long-term relationship because they have insider knowledge of all things commitment and married bliss. But as certified therapist Crystal Rice of Insieme Consulting in Maryland attests, divorce occurs regardless of one’s specialty.
According to Rice, being a relationship therapist was beneficial to her in the aftermath but less so during her divorce. If anything, she claims, it made me stay in a miserable relationship longer because I felt pressured to make it work even though I knew deep down that we weren’t meant to be together. Even when you know what to do with your emotions, managing them is still difficult.
Rice offers her insights and wishes to educate everyone on maintaining a strong relationship and knowing when to end it, three years after her divorce. (Repair your entire body for overall health by following Rodale’s 12-day liver detox.)
Discuss how you deal with stress.
- Being there for each other through difficult times is nearly impossible if you and your partner respond to stressful situations in ways that don’t work well together, such as him withdrawing while you seek out for consolation. Rice discovered that this eclectic mix of approaches has the potential to become a Healthy relationship fatal iceberg. According to Rice, being aware of and candid about one another’s communication habits from the outset of a relationship can strengthen your bond and prevent future surprises.
Stop avoiding conflict.
- She claims that she discovered she had stopped being honest because she had grown very cautious not to upset anyone in the relationship. I put out the effort to maintain the status quo while growing increasingly irate that my wants weren’t being satisfied. She now always speaks out since avoiding those difficult talks can lead to a great deal of pain and suffering in the future.
Set aside space for yourself.
- Rice acknowledges that she gave up her own space too quickly to pursue a relationship. She argues that when we get married, we frequently forget that our surroundings need to represent who we are. According to Rice, if it’s not, we lose our sense of self, which will almost definitely harm a relationship. She goes on to say that making a woman cave that is all yours—somewhere no one else has edited—can be the lifeline that your relationship needs. Find a coffee shop, library, or other relaxing hangout to go to when you need some alone time if you lack the space or resources to establish a place to do you.
Consider your goals for the partnership.
- People often spend a lot of time criticizing their partner when they begin to consider divorce as a solution. However, Rice didn’t recognize she needed to quit the relationship until she shifted her attention to what she wanted out of her marriage and the reasons her spouse no longer met those needs. It becomes clearer whether or not this is a relationship you should be in when you center the divorce discussion around what you want from your partner rather than criticizing him for lacking those attributes. Furthermore, that viewpoint positions you for future success in a partnership, according to her.
Keep in touch with your mutual friends even in difficult times.
- Rice distanced herself from her friends and family as soon as she began to ponder getting a divorce. She says, Over the years, most of my friends had become ‘our’ friends, and I felt no one would be able to fully empathize and support my decision because of the shared relationships. However, when the information leaked, it caught everyone off guard and increased the isolation that followed the divorce.
Losing friends and family happens.
- After a divorce, losing a partner is inevitable, but what about losing friends and family as well? It may have the effect of a huge kick to the face. Rice had a whole new perspective on the value of relationships (of all kinds) as a result of the event. She says things like family should love you no matter what and true friendships last forever. I hear these jokes all the time. However, friendships are complicated, and some of your shared connections might sour after your breakup. Remember the things you cherished about those people and set the rest aside, even if you may not spend as much time together as you once did, advises Rice. In the end, Rice adds, that lessens their influence on your life.
